I have begun this strange quest to know what love really is ? I know there is much more to it than i’ve known, or been told or read about. I have already been even ridiculed when i shared my new quest for love, demeaning it to a mere need of finding a lover or a life partner. Sure, may be it’s true, i want that too, and why not ? and I do believe strongly from my heart that we were created in pairs to live, coexist, co create and grow in each other’s presence while we are on this journey to find our way back home. I don’t know yet, where this home really is? surely know where i am at this moment in my life doesn’t feel like home anymore. Something here doesn’t feel right or how it was intended to be. There is so much ego, fear, hate, anger, deception, scarcity, jealous and pain. It’s a big trap ! Something is telling me that ” Love is the only way out !” . Yet the more i try to understand what love is through witnessing it in others or seeking it from another, i realize, more i need to unravel it from my own very existence. It exist, it’s breathing, i feel it, it’s buried deep deep down in a dark corner of my own bruised scared heart. its aching to break free, to feel alive, flow out like an abundant waterfall and merge with it’s light.
Then why isn’t it happening ? What is stopping it ? Why am i not letting it happen ?
I also do know, the only one that can set it free is me, no one else. But i am scared, really scared as i don’t know what will happen to me if i set it free…will my heart get empty, will it get more bruised, will the light it merges with be blind me, will i be able to bear the light after so much darkness my heart has been use to living in, will people think im crazy? What will really happen ?
The fears of my mind are crippling me, yet the heart is nudging me to allow the light to shine out and experience the magic. I sure have begun with opening my heart and allowing myself to see through the darkness and allowing myself to feel the fears. i tried fighting them and resisting them but the more i did more i felt like a mess and lost …yet the more i have begun to face and accept them with love …a tiny beam of light has begun to shine out from deep with in and its showing me the way into the deep darkness …i still am very scared yet i’m adamant i’m going to let this light guide me to the love within i am seeking.
The journey ahead is full of uncertainty, darkness and i don’t know what all will show up. Yet i am gathering all my strength to keep walking and take this journey to find my way back home !