Aaj phir, guzrey lamho ke panne palat rahi thi,
Tootey hue dil ko yuhi tattol rahi thi,
Soocha woh waqt toh peechey choot chuka hai,
Aaj parakh ke dekhu, mein aage badh chuki thi ki nahi.
Khoobsurat yaado ka tha unmein bassera,
Aaj bhi unki ek jhalak pe, dil khil utha tha mera.
Ek meethi si muskarahat dil se aayi,
Beethey lamho ki ahemiyat, aaj mujhe samjh aayi..
Why is it that some journeys set us off on paths that we never imagined for ourselves in our wildest dreams, liberate us in more ways than one, gift us a taste of the freedom the soul craved and prayed for in perhaps many life times. As we begin to witness it, experience it, relish it’s purity, drench ourselves in its freshness and truly soak it in, we find ourselves looking back and feeling trapped to our limiting conditioning that wants to “belong” to that very moment that released us in the 1st place..WHY???
I guess as some one rightly put it ” Hai aarz tujhe KAR DE MUJH KO MUJH SE HI RIHA” So seeking that very freedom this very freaking moment …
All our lives we often go seeking for a Life’s purpose, coming in the way of it ourselves even if it’s right before our eyes by not accepting it’s form. I think our life’s only purpose is to fulfill the immediate need that comes forth when some one reaches out to us or silently awaits us to notice or at times it’s just to fulfill our hearts calling…
I saw you today in many glittering innocent eyes
I felt your presence in many happy smiles
I experienced your touch in High Fi’s
I received your blessings by heartfelt gratitude in excited voices
As much as I miss your existence my darling Papa
You’ve given me a life which now feels purposeful and worthwhile!
23rd Sep 2013.
I’m realizing off late that it’s important to nurture and protect relationships that really matter to us when they exist in our lives. God forbid when they do drift away for whatever reasons one didn’t realize, no matter how hard or patiently u try they will never be the same again. And may be if one does reach that point of drifting away at any juncture in life with their loved ones it’s best to let go of them and let them move on their journey as u move on ur own rather than chaze them to bring them back coz they may seem to be around but will never present in the relationship again unless they ‘WILL’ it… for change is inevitable and each one’s purpose in your life comes with an expiry date!
Today I wonder, have I become what attracted me to the strange ray of light that I saw at the end of my dark tunnel of life or was it that it mirrored my true hidden self in the flash of it’s existence. I surely did get carried away and enamoured by the beauty of it’s brightness, purity & innocence of it’s existence. Was even blinded for a while by it’s illusion finding myself becoming one with it’s non existential empowering presence. I really had never seen anything like that before and yet after the years of struggling with painful & scary darkness, that ray of light is what seemed that the heart had been craving for all my life. Although it lasted only for moments but it left me in the darkness yet again, shattered and scared of feeling trapped forever.
What I just realized is that the ‘Light’ actually came to nudge me to explore and witness the darkness further, discover and break free from my limiting self, break open my heart (which i kept feeling was shattered beyond repair this time) only to let out what really lied within, crying and craving for years to find it’s freedom.
The journey so far has been very very tough for sure …yet now that I see the light within me, it all just makes perfect sense and worth it. I pray here on, that the Light within me attract’s only oure beautiful Light that will merge with me in oneness and burst opens itself showering it’s self like shimmering, twinkling beautiful stars to everyone we touch.
I live trapped in a fortress of my own limiting inner world
I donot like the darkness in here yet I fear blinding by the brightness of the 1st ray of light
The key to my freedom lies in my own hands
Yet I am struggling to break free and taste freedom of making new beginnings
I think I fear the thought of experiencing ‘Freedom’ itself
I wonder what it will expect out of me or bring forth
Yet the heart doesn’t give up keeps nudging me to let go and take a free fall …