Tag Archives: Ultimate truth

The rambling soul…

self-acceptance_omtimes-750x400I have been guided by my soul on a journey to rediscover my ‘real’ self  …or rather unravel my true self that got buried, deep down due to my circumstances and situations of the life I took birth in offered to me. Surprisingly, that ‘me’ didn’t die in spite of  how brutal the moments were…I was suffocated and choked and yet “I survived” deep under the debris i have been living in. I took pride in it too all these growing up years on how i was a survivor. I even got applauded for it and awed to be a brave heart. Yet, over time, something within, cringed to identify with the prideful survivor’s title. I knew there was a deeper hidden truth to my existence and  surviving was just not it. The only way I thought, I could even get a glimpse of my truth was to start dig deep within the buried layers , layers of ugly dirt that had not only gathered through my surviving years but got so thick, stinky, hard and unbearable to even revisit. It had become impossible to even fathom making an effort to even begin break through it. It not only required courage to begin with, but also has been a rough journey I set myself for,  of revisiting every unbreakable layer, experiencing  the disgust of the stink it had gathered over the years, witnessing and re living every ugly reality of that moment, seeing how helplessly I gave in to it, in my innocence and began to believe it was ‘my’ truth, have fears grip me, paralyzing me in the now denying me of my own goodness i’ve earned, shatter me down into pieces that looked impossible to gather me back again. Yet i am at it and allowing for once …

It has needed immense strength to allow this destruction of the self, I no longer identify with. It has been excruciatingly painful. Yet the glimpse of the aliveness and freedom, I sense in my heart and soul that awaits me just keeps  prodding me, to this time allow the destruction to happen and pleads me to bring it to it’s ultimate completion.

Its only sheer grace, that is helping me tap into the universal strength within me, guiding me to be on this liberating path to the ‘authentic me’. At this moment, I don’t even know how long this journey is or where it will lead me or what will it reveal to me  …yet this time it’s not my heart but my soul that’s pleading me to allow this journey to happen, to wander, to get lost, to breakdown, to break loose, to discover new paths for myself and just flow courageously in complete surrender to experience my destiny !

 

 

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